Snowflakes
by Dreaming of dance
Summary: Cindy is anything but happy that Christmas is coming around, but why?


Happy Holidays!So I decided to do a Christmas one shot because I felt bad that I hadn't updated my stories in so long and because this idea came into my head. It turned out completely different than I had planned. I imagine them to be around 16 or 17. Enjoy =)

I dont own JN

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Christmas could screw itself for all she cared. She was sick of the Christmas carols, the decorations, the snow, and if she saw one more couple kiss under the mistletoe she was going to throw up. She just wanted this holiday to be over so everything could go back to normal. But even when the Christmas season was over she knew things would still not go back to normal. Ever since her and Jimmy broke up, she felt like a complete mess. Not that she would ever let anyone see that. She acted as though she was perfectly fine, she had to for Carl, Sheen and Libby's sake. Her and Jimmy had decided that they would have to be civil because they didn't want to have to make anyone choose sides. So she would pretend to be okay, smile and try to not completely ignore him, but the fact of the matter was: she still loved him and it hurt just to see him and know they weren't together anymore.

She could barely remember why they had broken up in the first place. They had gotten into some argument, and it had just escalated to the point where neither of them wanted to be wrong. Things were said that weren't meant, and they concluded that maybe they would be better off if they broke up. She regretted it the moment it happened. Even now, months later, her stomach would drop every time she saw him.

What made this time so hard though was that this Christmas would have been their one year anniversary. A year ago he finally asked her to be his girlfriend. They had been watching the snow fall and he made her go outside to go see it. She had protested because it was ridiculously cold outside, but went anyway. Then right there in his front yard he pulled something out of his pocket. It was a silver chain that held a beautiful diamond studded snowflake. He had made it himself. He put the necklace around her neck and then asked her if she would be his girlfriend. The whole moment was magical. She never took it off even when it was nearing the middle of summer. Even now it hung around her neck, she didn't have the heart to take it off. She just made sure the charm was always tucked away under her shirt so he wouldn't notice. She hoped that time would have made things easier, made everything hurt less, but it didn't.

Now it was Christmas eve and she was supposed to go over to his house so that the gang could exchange Christmas gifts. She wished she could have pretended to be sick. The whole day she had been holding back emotions and she was one more reminder of their relationship away before she cracked. Nevertheless she walked over to his house, wishing she had decided to wear pants instead of a sweater dress and stockings. Her curled blonde hair was blowing in the frigid wind, thankfully it was only a short walk across the street. She let herself in; she had been there so many time it felt natural to walk in like she lived there. She stepped into the living room and saw her friends sitting by the fire, each holding presents; they had been waiting for her to arrive.

"It's about time Cindy, I don't understand how you're always the last one to get here when you live the closest." Cindy just gave a shy smile. Libby should've known by now that it was hard enough for her to willingly put herself in a situation that would involve being near Jimmy. She shrugged off her coat and laid it on a couch and joined the rest of them on the floor, tucking her legs under herself since she was wearing a dress.

They exchanged gifts, but she wasn't really paying attention. She would mindlessly rip open the wrapping paper, thank whomever gave her the gift, and repeat the routine until it was over. While everyone else was still opening presents she felt Libby nudge her with her elbow. She acknowledged her gesture.

"Cindy are you okay?"

"Yea I'm fine, don't worry about it." She knew Libby didn't believe her, but it was getting harder by the minute to put on an act. She had that feeling when you know you're going to cry you just don't know how much longer it's going to be. So the easiest way to avoid it was to be completely numb.

It was always their tradition to watch Christmas movies and drink hot chocolate while they planned what they were going to do over break.

"Can we go snowboarding this year PLEASE!" Exclaimed Sheen.

"Sheen that's dangerous, last time we went snowboarding I broke my arm!" Carl replied. He was always such an accident prone person.

"How about we go to the Graystar reunion tour!" Libby almost jumped with excitement.

"Libby we listen to enough old Graystar CDs in the car, I don't think I can listen to one more song."

"Hey if I have to put up with going with you to Ultralord conventions, then you can deal with listening to a little music." Their bantering was like white noise in the background as Cindy focused on the burning wood of the fire. It seemed to be calming her down to watch the wood crackle and pop.

"Cindy what do you want to do over break?" She almost didn't catch what Jimmy said.

"Nothing."

"Cindy what do you mean nothing?" Libby interjected.

"I mean I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep and lay in bed all day."

"You've got to be kidding me, usually by now you have every day of break planned out, so even though right now we're all fighting about what we want to do, you have our schedule for the next two weeks booked solid so none of it ends up mattering in the end." Libby was right, she always planned what they did on breaks. She was like their personal travel agent.

"I didn't get around to it this year." Everyone was quiet with confused faces, while Cindy's never strayed from the fireplace.

"I'm sorry...I'm really..." She couldn't hold it back anymore. A tear rolled down her cheek, light from the fire place illuminating it on her face. Then another, and another, until she could hardly see and everything was a blur. She got up and practically ran to the front door forgetting her coat in the process, Libby caught up to her before she could open the door and grabbed onto her arm.

"Cindy what going on! What's wrong?"

"Libby please, just let me go." She let out between sobs trying to free herself.

"No, you're my best friend Cindy. I'm not going to let you run off to be upset all alone."

"I can't be here anymore, I can't sit here anymore and pretend to be okay."

"It's Jimmy isn't it?" She said quietly. She just nodded slowly before embracing Libby in a hug, allowing herself to be comforted by her friend. Libby rubbed her back, knowing how heartbroken she felt. She knew how Cindy tried her hardest to put up this front like she was never hurt by anything anyone did. But as her best friend, she was aware of how Cindy's bottled up emotions usually got the best of her.

"Just talk to him Cindy, he still loves you." Her voice became even smaller so that no one in the next room heard her.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. I know for a fact that he adores you. Do you see the way he looks at you? I swear when you walked in he couldn't take his eyes off you."

"Your lying." She said sniffling.

"Trust me Cin, I would never lie to you. You'd kick my ass."

"True." Libby laughed.

"See, there's the Cindy Vortex I know. Now are we gonna go back so we can enjoy the rest of Christmas eve?"

"Give me a minute, I need some fresh air." She said letting go of Libby and opening the front door.

"Cindy it's freezing outside."

"You worry too much, I'll be there in a little bit." She stepped outside onto the front porch, feeling the cold night air. The wind blew, almost freezing the tears still stained on her face, she shivered but continued to stand outside. She reached around her neck, fingering the chain and pulling it out of the front of her dress. She brought the snowflake that glittered in the moonlight up to her face. She ran her fingers over it, touching the little points of the snowflake.

"Hey." She turned around still holding the snowflake in her hand to see Jimmy standing there.

"Hey...did Libby send you to come get me?"

"No...I wanted to see if you were all right..."

"Oh..." He looked down to where her hand was closed over the pendant and she followed his gaze. He reached down and opened her hand seeing the tiny snowflake.

"You still wear it..."

"I never took it off."

"Cin-"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever it was that broke us up, and I'm sorry that it's taken me this long. I miss you Jimmy, I really do. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. I was stupid and stubborn and I wish I could just take it all back...I understand if that's not what you want...I just needed to let you know...that I still love you..."

"Of course it's what I want... I couldn't stop loving you if I tried. I'm sorry that I ever let you go."

She threw her arms around his neck, burying her face into his chest, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her body. She felt so relieved to back where she belonged. She tilted her head up so that he could kiss her, feeling like everything had finally fallen back into place.

As fate would have it, it started to snow.

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There it is =) and for the record what I wrote at the beginning isn't how I feel about xmas, I love xmas =D Review please!


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